“I asked him to help in one important thing for me, and he forgot. Thinks only about himself. It’s a shame … “It is familiar if it is not true? This emotion is more complicated than it seems. And if we want it to not cause discomfort either to us or to loved ones, it is worthwhile to figure out why resentment arises and how to cope with it. Psychologist Anna Sokolova will help us with this.

Resentment. Interestingly, in its origin, this word literally means “deprivation of attention”. We feel a grudge when an important person does not accept us, our feelings and needs for calculation.

Another resentment is closely related to the perception of the situation as an unfair. Remember how children blow lips: “This is noise”.

Resentment arises when our expectations diverge from reality. I expect you to remember my birthday. I expect you to take care of me. I generally expect a lot of things, but you are not doing anything of this. How is it not offended https://quochungtravel.com/luckyjet-igra-2023-gde-igrat-v-luckyjet-na-dengi-2792.html here?

It is important to understand that resentment is a composite emotion that contains disappointment, anger and fear. That is, by and large, resentment is an anger that remains inside, because it is scary to express it directly.

Therefore, these feelings arise when we perceive the offender as a stronger, surpassing us, often not realizing that we are offended from a weak, children’s position.

This is such a passive form of protest, our attempt to get out of the conflict without defending our interests, but without giving up. This is how we cling to self -esteem.

The offended person expresses his discontent through a dejected look, silence, unwillingness to communicate, sarcasm, but without an honest and direct conversation about his needs. Expecting that the other will understand everything and fix everything. Needless to say, this often does not happen?

Good and bad

Yes, like any emotion, resentment contains important information about ourselves and the world around. Listen to her, and you will learn a lot about yourself. About your needs, borders, expectations, relationships with others. Behind her you can see your other emotions that resentment hides.

However, how people treat resentment – close, keep it in themselves – has a number of negative consequences.

1. If it remains completely inside, then he causes a person emotional and physical harm, but does not have a strong influence on the offender. This is in itself destructive.

2. The depressed resentment leads to a gradual deterioration in relations – it breaks off communication between people, and in the future the likelihood of misunderstandings increases.

3. Resentments have the ability to accumulate and turn into a long state. Then the character may deteriorate and develop a sarcastic hostile attitude towards people, which affects other relationships. Unpleasant consequences for health may occur – high pressure, headaches, reduction of immunity, etc.

Therefore, it is important for resentment to listen and not suppress it.

How to get around resentment?

First, it is important to understand it. And separate constructive resentment from non -constructive. This is not so easy to do, so it is previously important to calm down, deeply breathe, look at the situation from the observer and ask yourself a number of questions.

• What are your needs (for example, in attention, support, acceptance) cost resentment? Can you help yourself here? Or it is worth telling another person about what you need?

• Did you want to deliberately offend you? Or the situation only reflects the limited capabilities of another person and its need to satisfy his own needs?

• Were your boundaries violated? No agreement has been executed, offensive behavior has been shown, and so on?

Perhaps the insult signals that something is wrong in the relationship. But it is also possible that your expectations from relationships and from another person are too high. Remember that resentment often puts us in a children’s position-when we expect someone else to come and solve our problems. And the needs of another for calculation are often not accepted.

Therefore, expanding your perception of the situation, correlating your expectations with reality and taking responsibility for your life will help to disperse imaginary resentment.

If you feel that your resentment is legitimate and a person really behaved incorrectly, it is important to express his needs in an open dialogue, see his contribution to the situation, and hear the needs of another. And try to understand each other.

And further. Pay attention to whether you are often tended to be offended by trifles? “Not so looked”, “not that they said”. If so – perhaps you perceive this world as hostile, are not confident in yourself, feel your “I” as a vulnerable and vulnerable. Then this is what you need to work on. To know and strengthen your “I” in order to feel the strength to cope with this life and accept it and other people as they are.